Dear friends, I did not know Mr. Corpse. I do not know any of you, nor do I care to. I am just a humble funeral director, and I am charging a substantial sum of money to feed you a huge line of bullshit... so open wide my friends; your hearts that is. Yesterday, Mr. Corpse concluded his human experience. He considered this world to be a bizarre world in which he felt displaced. His life was a quest for knowledge, self-fulfillment, and self-actualization. This is just a sample of the bullshit that I am being paid well to deliver. Mr. Corpse was baptized into the Catholic faith against his will. He never adhered to its doctrines of resurrection, heaven, sin, and eternal damnation. He believed that the only way that the soul can achieve perfection is through reincarnation. If this is so, it would probably benefit mankind if the church reconsidered its stance against abortion. Mr. Corpse's affections were always misdirected toward the wrong women, and he was never able to find the ...